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[criminaljustice]

This is Boss AKA Joker AKA "Prisoner". Leave a message.

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[searingedgelord]

[keeps petting his hair.

She's probably tearing up a little bit herself, honestly.

So no judgment sometimes you gotta feel the feelings.]

[criminaljustice]

[THESE FEELINGS FEEL BAD

it's still more like attempts at controlled release than a dam bursting, but even keeping quiet means that his breathing's harsh and he's sniffing and lifting a hand to rub at his face a bit.]

I wasn't... thinking about it...

[searingedgelord]

[they do feel pretty bad, it's true]

A lot has been happening.

[criminaljustice]

[well that's the sound of someone who doesn't know if he should laugh or cry more.]

That's--that can't keep being the excuse...

[searingedgelord]

[maybe both.]

It's not an excuse. It's just the truth. And...that game...is hard to think about.

[criminaljustice]

[shaky inhale and exhale because. getting. back under control. hopefully?]

Yeah, I--

[oh.

right.

other things he hasn't thought about.]

... I still need to. Talk to Sanguine. And Phoenix. About some shit from then.

[searingedgelord]

...Did something happen? They weren't in the game.

[she's still not clear on everything that happened after she died. All she knows is most of the team got killed eventually. She thought Phoenix and Sanguine were safe, though.]

[criminaljustice]

[he's gonna. lean back against the tree or whatever they're sitting next to/against and. wipe at his face, which is definitely a fun mix of bruised, pale, and flushed from everything.]

... when I berserked... after you were killed. Those two and a couple of others tried to get me to calm down or stop.

There was a chase? And then I found someone who wasn't doing well... I was going to fight and eat them, but... someone got my eyes from behind. And I was hit in the collar.

[taps at where lava blood arrow went.]

And the rest is kind of... a blur? Phoenix and Sanguine had hold of me--I was small? But then I wasn't... and I said... a bunch of shit... about how they were just. Throwing themselves at me, risking them getting killed. And I'm just... really tired of it. I'm tired. Of those two doing stupid shit like that. I'm tired... of people saying it's for my sake when they know it just hurts.

[rubs at his eyes]

[searingedgelord]

[well, yeah, that's a legit thing to be frustrated about]

Did they not realize you couldn't be reasoned with?

[maybe they didn't. It's not like people could talk about the game. Still reasoning with angry monsters seems like a bad idea in general.]

They're inclined to play hero a lot, even when it's stupid.

[criminaljustice]

I know... and I know... they were thinking of me. Because they didn't want me to eat someone... and regret that. But--and maybe I'm... overthinking it... but being told "we're doing this for your own good"... when I was literally starving to the point of eating my own arm...

[u-uggh doesn't want to think about that doesn't want to but]

They kept insisting they couldn't see another way but I did and it's... fucked up. To be mad about them not seeing the other option. It's fucked up that I thought of it as an option.

How do I ever start that kind of talk? After what happened in that house... it's fucked up...

[searingedgelord]

[I mean, even if she was the heart in the game she has experience with hunger and eating people so she takes all that pretty well. Not shocked or appalled at all.]

You probably would have regretted eating someone. But...you’d regret hurting Sanguine or Phoenix more, right? It makes sense to be mad about that. In that kind of situation it stops being about not hurting people. It’s about what you can forgive yourself for.

[criminaljustice]

[that's... the part that sucks about this whole place.

time to lean head against her shoulder, immeasurably tired]

... yeah.

[searingedgelord]

[Yeah, it really does. Her tendency toward grayer morality helps a little but. It’s still bad.

She leans back a little]

I’m sorry you were that hungry, though. When I was in prison...I was hungry the whole time, but...it never got quite that bad.

[probably because they fed her a pretty steady stream of daemons.]

[criminaljustice]

I've even been really good about not skipping meals since then...

[a joke. kind of.

...

actually, no it's serious but it's a joke amirite]

[searingedgelord]

[hair ruffles]

Good. Don’t let them ruin food for you. I’ve been trying to do some meat-free dishes though, if it helps.

[like the ratatouille didn’t have meat]

[criminaljustice]

As long as it's not pork, I think I'm fine...

[long pig...]

[searingedgelord]

No pork. Got it.

[criminaljustice]

[huffs a bit...]

You're an angel.

[searingedgelord]

[She snorts]

I'm pretty sure daemons are the opposite of angels.

[criminaljustice]

If they're anything like the demons here, technically fallen angels and thus.

[searingedgelord]

[oh my god.

A huff!!]

If you say so.