criminaljustice | Emotions Sharing Cont...

[........................

yeah, that's basically what's on Joker's end of the emotions sharing bond.

just kind of. static nothing. because. if he tries to process that. it can't be good, right?]

... that's not funny.

[that response is somehow even worse than expected]

Morgana told me in the brief time he was here. I didn't press for details.

[well that's a stab of pain and hurt. real sharp.]

... you've known it for that long?

I didn't want to upset you.

I'm more upset that you thought you had to hide it from me.

[and that's... not untrue. but boy is he already leaping over the Denial stage and heading straight into Righteous Fury about A being the dead one]

[immediately defensive upon feeling that fury]

I didn't —

[except he did and it's obvious at this moment]

I wasn't ready for this!

[Joker feels that defensiveness and... tries to rein himself in. except it's so hard because there's just so much he wants to rail against. it's unfair.]

Yeah, well. Now we both can be not ready for it.

[the want to just punch of kick something--even if it hurt him, that's be fine, a good distraction from feeling so damn helpless]

I'm gonna fucking kill Shido. That much, I can promise.

[a sharp spike of anxiety when Shido is mentioned]

[which quickly spirals into panic because he can't hide it]

I...

[well that. makes the fury die down real fast. worry???]

... A?

I want to kill him. With my own hands...

[his emotional state has not changed]

...no matter what that takes.

[... why is there a sinking feeling...]

What do you mean?

[time to choose his words carefully, as if it will make any difference against the backdrop of emotional chaos]

I think that... whenever it's my time to graduate, I should make a deal.

[oh, that makes the lead in his stomach turn into ice.]

... what kind of deal.

[A, don't you fucking dare.]

[just resonating that feeling tbh]

To undo the damage that I've done. That's the most just outcome, isn't it?

[he's quiet for a long moment, and he is very good at keeping a lid on whatever emotion's stirring up behind the ice. then:]

Is that what you really want? Erase it all?

Why not? Other than you, I can't name a single thing from that world that truly matters to me.

On the contrary, there are significant reasons why it would be a bad idea for me to simply return. It doesn't seem likely I'd be able to live a normal life.

... remember early on in this, when you were upset because you said you weren't enough for me and I told you I'm not enough for you?

[because yeah. that's sure the feeling right now. though it's still... locked down.]

You could have been. If you'd ever been willing to give me everything, it would be much easier for me to agree to do the same.

[not even angry or jealous for once, just tired and sad]

I don't want everything. I just want you in my life.

If you're going to go about it like this, stop pulling your punches.

[a spike of fear, rapidly turning into anger]

Why do at always have to do things your way? Is it even on the table that you might come with me?

[and it's mirrored by Joker]

I don't know. Are you even going to ask me?

Edited 2020-05-15 03:22 (UTC)

... If I stayed in hell, would you join me?

... I won't work for Azzy. Not again.

[there is just a touch of unhinged at the thought of being under that demon prince's influence again, and his fists clench.]

I want to tear this whole thing down... I can't do that from the outside, either.

And I don't want to lose you.

[a reluctant glimmer of hope]

You don't have to go that far. I think you'd find some benefit in having a man in the inside.

If said man doesn't completely erase himself from my timeline.

[the level of Trauma when it comes to people who want to disappear on him is just... high.]

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afailedmurder - 2020-05-18 15:59 (UTC) - Expand