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[criminaljustice]

This is Boss AKA Joker AKA "Prisoner". Leave a message.

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[criminaljustice]

[nope. closing his eyes and... clenching his fists.]

I... should know. I know I should.

[he doesn't, though.]

[foolmetwice]

[. . . .]

[letting him stay like that for now, because at least he's talking]

You don't know your answer, either.

[criminaljustice]

[this laugh is not... pleasant.]

I don't know what my reality is half the time--how could I...?

[... actually, he didn't want to say that. and kind of. curls against the wall as much as he can, breathing a little shaky.]

[foolmetwice]

[lets go of Joker's chin, but stays close, bracing himself against the wall with his hands on either side of Joker's shoulders]

You told me there were only so many options.

What do you think those options are?

[criminaljustice]

... adapt--either willingly or by force.

Or... make things make sense.

[foolmetwice]

[. . . not actually the options he thought were available, either]

Okay. Take them one at a time.

How do you make things make sense?

[criminaljustice]

[welcome to the slow dawning realization of Boy Ain't All Right.

he also seems to be Aware that he is... not giving expected answers and definitely working on hiding how lost and confused he is with this]

... see if other people see sense in it?

[foolmetwice]

[it's okay that he's not giving expected answers. Joker's answers are his own, and it helps Mars realize once again that for however similar they might be they are always different]

So. . . use other people as some kind of marker for what makes something "sensible" or not?

[FROWNS!1]

. . . the other option. Adapt, either willingly or by force. What does that mean?

[criminaljustice]

... accept things as they are? By... either just doing it or... getting worn and broken down into it.

That's what--the demon princes want. I know that's what they want.

[and he is. a little more shaky at that.]

[foolmetwice]

And you don't want to do what they want, do you?

[. . .]

But sometimes, it's tempting to give in?

[these are all statements phrased as questions, so Joker can affirm or deny them]

[criminaljustice]

[well, he doesn't trust his voice right now but he gives... a single nod, shoulder coming up afterward, defensive]

[foolmetwice]

Don't look so defensive. I'm not judging you. I'm trying to understand.

Giving in is, after all, the easier way out. And when you're tired, sometimes doing the easiest thing is awfully appealing.

[criminaljustice]

[... he's really tired, Mars 8(]

[foolmetwice]

[he can tell 8(]

[. . .]

You’re a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for.

You’re a lot tougher than hell thinks you are.

[criminaljustice]

[and here's the real reason he tried to avoid this.

doesn't saying anything.]

[foolmetwice]

You don't believe me? You should.

You're still alive, after all. You're here. You're not one of the damned, you're not some shadow of a person with no identity to call his own. You're Joker, and you're surviving, no matter how much shit is being thrown your way.

Just surviving in a place like this is a sign of strength.

[criminaljustice]

It's not just surviving.

... if I really wanted, I could... thrive in a place like this. Probably...

[and he's just... that's bad? thaaaaat's baaaaad???

anyway, back to the whole Oh Shit Demons thing.]

[foolmetwice]

[. . . yeah, they've talked about this before. and the question Mars asks is firm and direct]

Do you want to thrive in a place like this?

[criminaljustice]

It'd be easy.

[flat answer in response.]

[criminaljustice]

[but then he takes a breath and runs a hand through his hair.]

--I... no? If it's about want, then... no. That'd be... letting those assholes win, right?

[foolmetwice]

[of course it'd be easy. just like many of the things Mars wants to do would be easy. detach, act like he doesn't care, smoke a cigarette and watch hell burn while everyone else in it kills themselves trying to escape]

[he still wants to do that. . . sometimes. still wants to flip off every single feeling of fond affection he has for anyone here and disengage]

[but he doesn't]

It's always about what you want.

Always.

[criminaljustice]

We don't always get what we want.

[because that's really the hardest part in all of this.]

Why does... everyone act like we always have a choice here. Sometimes it's not about choice, it's about time and whether or not you'll get worn down and I'm tired...

[and he sounds and feels like a child while also having 200 years of insanity under his belt, so like. LMAO. WANTS. CHOICE. OK. YEAH, SURE.]

[foolmetwice]

Because for something like this? It is.

Agency might be a fucking joke in games, or when demons decide to whisper sweet nothings into your brain, but even when that happens? They still can't take from you what exists in here.

[thumps Joker's chest, right above his heart. very pointedly]

Not permanently. Not forever. Only you can decide to give that up. Because the state of being worn down and tired isn't a permanent one.

[criminaljustice]

[hope you wanted a vaguely distressed face because it sure doesn't feel that way.]

... I broke before.

[SO, IN FACT? NOT STRONG?]

[foolmetwice]

[he says to someone still currently broken, and. . . managing?? maybe??]

[but no, this isn't about Mars. and he isn't about to make it that way]

The state of being broken isn't permanent, either. And I'm pretty damn sure what measures strength isn't whether we break or not, but whether we can piece ourselves back together again afterwards.