criminaljustice | Imeeji Inbox

I'm glad, at least... that Bad End and LiliS came to an agreement.

Maybe we can lessen the deaths, just a little.

[hesitantly, kind of... tucks his face in against the crook Joker's neck, lips brushing softly against his skin as he speaks]

But I... just feel really hopeless, right now. Especially knowing that... anyone I care about can be taken away, just like that.

[things that would be distracting but currently focused on what Lily's saying and trying to think of a way to help...

"that's life" is the only real answer, but that doesn't really help, pointing out the obvious.]

Well. I've been here since the start. And I don't plan to go anywhere until the end. Intensity'd never let me live it down if I didn't make it to endgame.

... and... I have a lot of people here I don't want to leave, so I won't.

[it's not like they really have a choice as to whether they'd get transferred or not, but... still, the reassurance helps, either way. if anyone was gonna remain stubbornly here, despite everything, it would be Joker, or Mars for that matter.]

I have a lot of people I don't want to leave, either.

[including Joker. this might be a bad time for that conversation, though?? he didn't know, he was very sad today.]

I guess the main thing is to just... make use of every day you have with the people you care for. I suppose. And live with no regrets.

Yeah. That's the best anyone can do, in this kind of situation.

... sure you don't need that drink?

[trying for some levity but also... sure you don't need that drink, Lily? delinquent only too happy to help with things like that]

...Maybe just a little.

[that does sound pretty nice...]

All right.

But first--

[gonna pull Lily more into his lap so he can keep this hug-holding thing going while getting the bottle of alcohol. it's nothing fancy, just some. whiskey. he forgot to bring cups for. hm. well. it's fine? it's fine.]

[oh, ok, this is fine. this is quite nice, actually. he settles himself comfortably into Joker's lap, and make grabby hands at the whiskey.

just gonna. take a nice swig straight out of the bottle.]

Why does alcohol taste so bad. God.

[letting him do that, then. gonna stay sober for a bit, mostly so Lily doesn't drink too much.

but arms are going comfortably around Lily's waist while he leans against him a bit.]

No idea. The burn's kinda nice, though.

[probably a good call...]

Mmn. Agreed.

[pain can be nice sometimes, he has come to learn. is that bad?? maybe. who knows.

gonna lean back against Joker, and take in a soft breath. this is comfortable, comforting, and he felt, in this moment, rather secure in Joker's arms. funny how that works.

takes another swig, face scrunching for a second. it's weird, how much of a disparity there was in his memories and his reality here. he was abandoned and unwanted back home, tossed around from house to house, a burden... but here, there were so many people that cared about him, reassured him, told him that what he experienced wasn't okay. and in this moment, as he felt the sadness ebbing just a little with the warmth of Joker behind him and the numbing of the alcohol, he felt wanted. it was nice... to feel wanted.]

Hey...

[his voice is a tad bit hesitant, still unsure about what he wanted to say]

[this is very warm and cozy and feeling Lily begin to relax is good, so Joker's also relaxing a bit.]

Mm?

["did you and mars have fun" is the first thing to come to mind, but he decides against it -- the whole point of approaching him separately, besides trying not to overwhelm him, was to let them both have their own personal time with Joker, and bringing up Mars during it seemed counter productive. mmn...

he was still pretty down, and even if he knew Joker liked him because Mars is a dirty secret teller, he didn't know what to do with that information, necessarily. if he tried to bring it up now and it didn't go well, that'd make for one incredibly depressing day. did he want to risk that?

he pulls his headphones from around his neck and hooks one over his ear and one over Jokers', turning on his music at a soft volume. he thinks for a moment, scrolling through spotify absently as if he's trying to find a specific song, to buy him time to debate inwardly. what DID he want to say?]

...I'm glad I have you by my side. I still really hope that... maybe, there might be a connection between us in our memories. It'd be lonely, if we got out of here and I wasn't able to see you again.

[doesn't object to having headphones put on, and even smiles a bit because the music is chill. this a chill sitch.

but does tighten his hold on Lily briefly when he says that. because... fuck. things Joker tries not to think about because--]

... that's still a ways off. I keep telling people... since really early on that it's going to take a while. And I think... I'd rather appreciate moments as they happen, leave the future for when it comes.

[this is why he is not a planner.]

Being with you now is more important to me than what'll happen in some future we haven't even got to yet. But we'll figure that out when we get to it.

That's a good way to look at it. One day at a time.

[his voice comes out a murmur against the backdrop of the music, and he goes for another swig of alcohol, cozy in Joker's arms.]

Hey, Joker?

[this had been so much easier with Mars...]

...Thank you for listening. Sometimes I worry that I'm burdening people with my feelings when I talk about them, or I'm being too selfish when other people are suffering just as much, if not more, but...

[he tilts his head back and presses a soft kiss against Joker's neck, the only easily available stretch of skin for him right now.]

You don't make me feel that way.

[... ah, fuck.

that's definitely registering and his cheeks burn a little because... Mars was over the night before, said things were fine. and he had mentioned Lily's feelings before, but also this really isn't??? a good time???

then again, Joker'd be a hypocrite if he said that because uh. his methods of coping sometimes.]

... I'm really glad. I don't want you to ever feel that way.

[except it comes out a little bit strangled and welp, time to take hold of Lily's hand with the bottle so he can also take a swig from it--not taking it away from Lily but. also. he's buying time. to think what the right course of action here is.]

[Lily is the one being overt here and even HE doesn't know if this is a good time. his feelings are all over the place...

he takes another swig himself when Joker is done, and his cheeks are beginning to burn pleasantly with the warmth of the alcohol. that's probably another reason he ought not to right now, in case Joker thinks it's the alcohol talking, but... god. he doesn't know.

he kind of wants to kiss Joker. is that a bad decision right now? probably. hesitantly, curiously, he starts to shift in Joker's lap, turning to face him more, but doesn't make a further move... yet? he's so confused.]

[cheeks are definitely still flushed, but Joker's not looking away. in fact, he brings a hand up to cup Lily's cheek, thumb brushing against his skin.

he thinks it's so unfair that he is nervous about this or that he's also wanting to kiss Lily, but then it just kind of... comes out:]

How do I make you feel?

[he just. really needs to hear it from Lily.]

[Lily's eyes close as Joker strokes his cheek, leaning into his touch a little. as he speaks, he looks back at Joker through the veil of long lashes, hand moving to rest on top of Joker's.]

You make it easy to feel like we're anywhere but here.

[his voice is soft, and as he looks at Joker, he can barely even hear the music, his heart was pounding so hard in his ears.]

You make me feel happy. Feel like I can be stronger than I am. There are things you have that I lack, and I feel like maybe I can be that way too, when I'm with you.

[he and Mars both -- he had a type, apparently. but he knows what words Joker wanted to hear:]

I like you, Joker. A lot.

[those are, in fact, the words he wanted to hear

and he knows he should probably also explain his feelings, too, but he's always been more the sort to speak with his actions, and moving in to kiss Lily is exactly what he wants to do just after hearing that.]

[Lily's melts against Joker's mouth and kisses him back softly, draping his arms around his shoulders and adjusting himself so his legs wind around Joker's waist.

this isn't their first kiss — they kissed once what felt like an age ago, when Lily was fresh and new, for a brief and chaste moment that meant nothing to either of them besides a point to their kiss tallies. this time was significantly different, Lily's heart was aflutter and his stomach was flip flopping excitedly, and for a moment, he forgot why they were here. what he had lost. the only thing that mattered right now was the fact that Joker was kissing him, and he sighs happily against his mouth.]

[Joker's own heart is pounding with the excitement of knowing that this is a game changer, that Lily is contently in his arms and kissing him and hopefully thoroughly distracted from the sad things that's outside the cottage. even with that excitement, though, he's keeping it easy and light, not wanting to push.

he also has no idea what song is playing over the headphones right now but when he does draw back just enough so they can catch their breaths and he can speak, it doesn't really seem that intrusive. seems to help urge him on to run his hand along Lily's cheek and into his hair.]

You... [he sound shaky to his own ear, airy but not distant as he focuses on Lily.] Have been there for me... when I was falling apart. Accepted the bad and the ugly... and gave me a place to hide away when I just couldn't--

[ah, no. it seems this is a bit more emotional than he can manage in one shot, so leaning his forehead against Lily's like he can somehow just osmosis over his feelings.]

[it's hard not to be distracted when you're in the lap of someone you really like, kissing them, feeling content and happy and warm and just accepted, and Lily can't help but smile softly once they pull apart. he takes in a shaky breath of his own, eyes closing for a moment as he feels Joker's hand trail across his skin and into his hair, cheeks reddened for reasons beyond the alcohol they had consumed.]

I always want to be there for you, Joker.

[he replies softly, reaching forward to cup Joker's cheek in his hand, thumb running along the curve of his cheek bone]

You're important to me. I care about you, your well-being. If I can help you, even in the smallest of ways, I will.

[tilts his face into the touch, kissing at the hand when he can. words still coming out in a murmur, though really he doesn't have to worry about being overheard. cabins are good for this.]

I just want to... return the favor. Be as strong as you think I am.

[because it frequently doesn't feel that way--that he is, but god, people thinking he can be--or is makes him want to try for it.]

[his free hand moves to press softly over Joker's heart, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt]

You have strength of heart. You don't have to feel strong all the time to still be strong... if that makes any sense. Just... be you. That's all I need.

... I guess I have a better idea of who that is, thanks in part to you.

[this is one of the sappiest things he has ever said, like. really up there.

but it just means he needs to follow it up with a kiss.]

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