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[criminaljustice]

This is Boss AKA Joker AKA "Prisoner". Leave a message.

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[criminaljustice]

No, I get it. I'm... I'm also still... mad. About a number of things, but I'm just...

[worn out. he's done a lot of venting lately? but still. so much.]

Anyway, just let it out if you need to.

[searingedgelord]

[she shakes her head]

Being mad is easy compared to this.

[she knows how to be angry and she knows how to express it. She actually has no idea what to do about missing someone.]

[criminaljustice]

... yeah, it is.

[that's probably part of why... he's been...

time to loop other arm around her, though. more securely.]

It's definitely easier, but... it's okay. I won't say anything about it.

[searingedgelord]

[are they cuddling now, this feels like cuddling]

Say anything about what? Me being sad and tired? I think people have noticed.

[criminaljustice]

[i mean... yes. yes. this is cuddling.]

Any outburst you might have that you don't want people to know about.

... I should have more of those, myself, according to all of you guys.

[searingedgelord]

I’m not sure it’s going to get more embarrassing than me yelling at Crow because he didn’t say please.

[on the other hand she still thinks he should have said please.

She leans into him a little]

I guess I understand you a little better now.

[criminaljustice]

[leaning head against hers, then.]

Yeah?

[searingedgelord]

[She closes her eyes]

I still think you hold back a lot, but...some things are hard to express, even when you want to.

[criminaljustice]

[a quiet huff]

Ain't that the truth.

[searingedgelord]

[She's quiet for a bit, but she doesn't move away. In fact her fingers curl and tighten in his shirt, like she's sort of fighting something. Eventually she speaks again.]

But this...hurts.

[she huffs a bit and after another beat.]

It's so stupid. There are so many people at the dorm and I feel so crowded and so lonely at the same time.

[how does that even make sense, honestly]

[criminaljustice]

[... hairpets resuming because. know that feeling, yeah.]

Sometimes... you find a person who just. Gets it. Gets you. And it makes things make sense.

And then when they're gone... things make... a lot less sense.

[searingedgelord]

[She is trying not to cry, but she does sniffle a bit.]

Yeah. That sounds right.

[criminaljustice]

[and the sniffles actually get him a little choked up to hear]

... he let me get away with so much shit. Like. So much.

[trying to say it lightly but actually... comes out a little pained.]

[searingedgelord]

[She hums a little]

Like what?

[criminaljustice]

... he let me hold his, um, metaphoric leash? Since he didn't. Feel comfortable without someone doing that for him. Starting out, I mean.

Accidentally got him involved in some relationship drama after a bad game, once--before the whole exclusive thing happened.

But he never really judged me for anything, even if it was a bit unconventional.

[searingedgelord]

Yeah. Maki mentioned once that things got awkward with Oni after...[after Boss fucked the dog]. And I know he and A didn’t get along.

I was a little jealous of you at first. I didn’t really understand your relationship.

[criminaljustice]

Dog and owner.

[a beat. it almost seems like it's joke?]

... awkward as that sounds, he admitted to it, too?

Just... he looked out for me. I worked to calm him down when things got bad. That's why... I tried to never get hurt. Back then, if something happened to me, I figured he'd lose it.

But when you and he started up your thing... we both agreed if something happened to me, he'd defer to you. Since it made sense, since... you were important to him.

[searingedgelord]

Really?

[she didn’t know he and Oni had talked about that]

He talked to me once about worrying he might lose control if he got angry. I told him if he ever seemed to be going too far I’d step in and fight him myself. I figured I’d be better at redirecting his feelings than trying to control them.

[she has a violent protective streak herself, so]

[criminaljustice]

Yeah, that's what I thought too.

That's probably why he was... worse than usual. After that monster game.

[searingedgelord]

Yeah. All of us dying was...

[it was bad]

There was a lot to be angry about.

[criminaljustice]

... I just wish... that hadn't been one of the last time I saw him.

[a beat.

you can practically hear his expression falling while he tightens his hold on her a bit.]

Heard him, anyway.

[searingedgelord]

[oh...yeah...]

Your eyes...

[that hadn’t even occurred to her]

You couldn’t see him.

[that’s awful??]

The last time you actually saw him...

[he was

being eaten, actually.

That’s even worse]

[criminaljustice]

[yeah, uh.

he hadn't really meant to make it about him

or really got that far with thinking about it

but that's pretty

horrible

and true

sure did watch a good dog get killed and eaten]

[searingedgelord]

[it's ok they're commiserating it's fine.

She pulls back just enough to look at his face. r u ok, boss??

She's pretty sure he's not ok]

[criminaljustice]

[he's definitely not okay.

sometimes you just disassociate a little bit because ptsds are a trip like that.]