Kurusu Akira (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
criminaljustice) wrote2018-10-28 01:20 pm
criminaljustice) wrote2018-10-28 01:20 pmEntry tags:
Imeeji Inbox
This is Boss AKA Joker AKA "Prisoner". Leave a message.
criminaljustice) wrote2018-10-28 01:20 pm
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reaches out a hand for Lily's. just placing it easily, so Lily can do what he likes.]
There were five Bad Enders, starting out. Only three of us are left.
We lost Keith really early on--I barely even knew him. I think that's when Phoenix turned up. Then we got Silk. Lost... Oni. [yep. your instincts were correct there] Got Vive and Thorn. Lost Vive. Got... ... I never got that person's name--just their profile that says "Rat", he was gone too quick. Then Tiamat who also left quick. Kanna stayed around for a little while. So did Catra. But they're both gone now. And we have Hades and this new guy I'm calling Anon, he turned up after... [gosh, he hasn't even talked about this one and he's shutting his eyes to get through it] Phoenix... was taken.
Worst of them was... definitely Oni. And Phoenix. And it's because they were so early on--Phoenix might as well have been one of the originals, too.
I don't know if there's magic words, but... that's why I try to stay focused on "get us all out of here in as little of pieces as possible". I want to make sure they all get out, too.
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Bad End seems like a really close group. LiliS is, too. I don't know about everyone, but at least Lavender and I... we consider the others like family. It feels like I lost part of my family. And now my family is going to get replaced.
[closes his eyes for a moment]
If they're missing... how are we going to find them? Are they in other programs? Or are they... gone?
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[this said quietly and firmly because... he's pretty sure.]
I think... some have been sent to other programs. And some... they might be becoming Damned--part of the audience that watches us. But I don't know for certain. And I do know Asmodeus has said it's possibly to bring a soul back from becoming like that.
So they're not gone.
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Good.
[debates for a moment before gently leaning against Joker, fingers twined]
Someone already came to replace Iris. I'm not sure when Hellebore left -- I just noticed his profile was gone today, this afternoon. It hurts, that this place thinks it can just replace them, just like that.
[he knows he's only saying things that Joker already knows, though]
I... took another memory today, too.
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easily takes Lily's weight and squeezes his hand, encouraging.]
You okay?
[seems dumb to ask but like... more getting an idea of how good or bad the memory was]
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[bad, definitely bad]
Car crash. I don't know how I got out of the car. Not yet, anyways.
1/2
that's... that's really bad.
and Joker saw how young Lily was when he was getting bounced around in a previous memory, so, like...
...]
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he tenses for a moment, just a moment, but immediately softens after, leaning against Joker and pressing his face into his shoulder.]
I keep losing people. And I can't... keep the people around me from dying. I don't like it. Even if here, even if people come back... the pain and suffering stays.
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[that's the key thing he wants--no, needs to drive home. he definitely knows that.]
... I'm... right here.
[he almost says "Mars" but... no. let's be real here. Lily already knows that]
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[he adjusts his head a little so he can look up at Joker despite remaining snugly against him, eyes soft]
I don't care if I die. Especially if it's to help someone. But I don't want anyone else to die... that's kind of hypocritical, isn't it?
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But, Lily, you have to know... other people care if you die.
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...Yeah. No one wins when someone dies.
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Maybe we can lessen the deaths, just a little.
[hesitantly, kind of... tucks his face in against the crook Joker's neck, lips brushing softly against his skin as he speaks]
But I... just feel really hopeless, right now. Especially knowing that... anyone I care about can be taken away, just like that.
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"that's life" is the only real answer, but that doesn't really help, pointing out the obvious.]
Well. I've been here since the start. And I don't plan to go anywhere until the end. Intensity'd never let me live it down if I didn't make it to endgame.
... and... I have a lot of people here I don't want to leave, so I won't.
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I have a lot of people I don't want to leave, either.
[including Joker. this might be a bad time for that conversation, though?? he didn't know, he was very sad today.]
I guess the main thing is to just... make use of every day you have with the people you care for. I suppose. And live with no regrets.
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... sure you don't need that drink?
[trying for some levity but also... sure you don't need that drink, Lily? delinquent only too happy to help with things like that]
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[that does sound pretty nice...]
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But first--
[gonna pull Lily more into his lap so he can keep this hug-holding thing going while getting the bottle of alcohol. it's nothing fancy, just some. whiskey. he forgot to bring cups for. hm. well. it's fine? it's fine.]
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just gonna. take a nice swig straight out of the bottle.]
Why does alcohol taste so bad. God.
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but arms are going comfortably around Lily's waist while he leans against him a bit.]
No idea. The burn's kinda nice, though.
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Mmn. Agreed.
[pain can be nice sometimes, he has come to learn. is that bad?? maybe. who knows.
gonna lean back against Joker, and take in a soft breath. this is comfortable, comforting, and he felt, in this moment, rather secure in Joker's arms. funny how that works.
takes another swig, face scrunching for a second. it's weird, how much of a disparity there was in his memories and his reality here. he was abandoned and unwanted back home, tossed around from house to house, a burden... but here, there were so many people that cared about him, reassured him, told him that what he experienced wasn't okay. and in this moment, as he felt the sadness ebbing just a little with the warmth of Joker behind him and the numbing of the alcohol, he felt wanted. it was nice... to feel wanted.]
Hey...
[his voice is a tad bit hesitant, still unsure about what he wanted to say]
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Mm?
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he was still pretty down, and even if he knew Joker liked him because Mars is a dirty secret teller, he didn't know what to do with that information, necessarily. if he tried to bring it up now and it didn't go well, that'd make for one incredibly depressing day. did he want to risk that?
he pulls his headphones from around his neck and hooks one over his ear and one over Jokers', turning on his music at a soft volume. he thinks for a moment, scrolling through spotify absently as if he's trying to find a specific song, to buy him time to debate inwardly. what DID he want to say?]
...I'm glad I have you by my side. I still really hope that... maybe, there might be a connection between us in our memories. It'd be lonely, if we got out of here and I wasn't able to see you again.
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